Red Light

Everything i do is either wrong, or not good enough. I'm stupid. I never share what i really think because, well its either not what everyone else thinks...or wrong. An opinion doesn't mean anything anymore. It's basically an invitation to fight someone. I constantly am trying to be myself and say what i think but i can never let it out...because honestly i would have about 2 friends left. I mean, everyone has things they want to say but don't, But i have more than other people. I've been depressed for approximately 3 days now. I sit in my room and cry and wish i could just force a smile and everything will magically be better. But that's not how it works. There are 2 dominant people in my life in which the following word describes. controlling. These two people make me feel stupid everyday and they don't even realize it. If things aren't exactly the way they want it, or you don't read their mind, they give you this attitude like "Hello! are you retarded?" and i'm sick of it. I actually believe it now. I haven't done much on my own in a few years because i'm always told exactly how to do everything. I'm not confident. at all. I feel as if i'm constantly being judged. being watched. I've always been told what to do. I'm just a lapdog. I don't trust anyone because people are cruel. No matter how good of friends you are, or how long you've known them...people are still mean. but the hard part is that they don't know they do it. but that doesn't mean i don't secretly feel lower than dirt everyday. The only person who can fix it is me. I let people push me around and i'm done. If i'm pushed much farther...i won't have any friends at all. I need a red light........

RED LIGHT

By Emily Proper

I’m doing my best

Just leave me alone

I keep failing your tests

I’m on anger mode

I do what you say

but I’m always wrong

I’m Steering off the track

I’m going the wrong way

CHORUS

Come on, I’m working so hard

Can’t you please, give me a break

I’m doing more than you asked for

and all I feel, is defeat

I need a red light

Make it stop now

I wanna know

what it feels like

to have nothing planned out

or any jobs to do

I feel like I

am on the right track

but then you turn the wheel

and tear it all down

Can’t take it anymore

I need a red light

Soon to be recorded at:

http://www.youtube.com/user/EmilyPlusKatie?feature=mhum

We're not little any more...

Things used to be so easy...now they're not. We used to wake up, watch cartoons, go to school, come home and play, dinner, play, bed. The end. We never worried about the future or all of our relationships with the people we cared about. We didn't care about having money, or picking a major. It was pretty nice that way. Stress free. There are so many decisions to be made now. People to please, a future to plan. Don't get me wrong, soon, the world will be at our fingertips. It's great. But with a great life, there is responsibility and i'm not sure if i'm ready for that yet. To be honest, i'm scared. Other people act like they can't wait to graduate and be on their own. I understand that and a part of me is like that too. But I know that they too, are scared. A lot of our friends will disappear and we will never see then again. We're about to be thrown out of the tree on our own, not knowing what to do. Some will fly, dreams will come true and happiness will be found. Whether it's the school they attend, a special someone, a new friend. Some won't be so fortunate. Some will lose their way. Some may find it and some won't. All will be heartbroken. All of us will have hard times. Some won't recover. All will see happy days. Some more than others But we will all have days where life is fun and easy and we feel loved. Just like it used to be. 


So kudos to the ones who want to follow their dream. I know one in particular. I hope she achieves it and let's no one stand in her way. She is strong and BRAVE. It inspires me to try harder. Thank you for being such a good friend and i hope you achieve that dream. And remember that if i for some twist of fate, achieve mine...you're my back up dancer. Pinky swear. <3   

Part of a new song...

He's looking right at you with his beautiful eyes
He doesn't see the bad stuff like all of your lies
he could do better
he could do better
He knows your taken but he doesn't care
he still tries and all you is tear
his heart out
from his chest


She won't love 
like i do and
she won't know 
you, like i want to...

Set Construction

I'm at set con. I'm bored. My feet are asleep and tingling. I'm cold. I'm tired. My nose is running. I am very annoyed by a certain girl. WHORE!! I didn't type that...or did I? I need a haircut. The End




P.S. DAN IS THE MAN

hellllloo

hello there, i'm melanie winters and emily and i are currently sitting in her room having a jam session. well kind of.. she's trying to teach herself guitar and i'm writing songs at her desk. i just wanted everyone to know how amazing this girl is. she's helped me and encouraged me so much throughout this past year. the summer of 2010 we spent at least a month maybe trying to make a song worthy for youtube and once we finished we were so relieved to be done with it, as terrible as that sounds, and we felt like we finally took the first steps in the right direction. she's a senior this year and i can tell that that fact scares her a lot. i know she's going to go far in life no matter what she does, she'll be successful and happy and i hope we stay in touch forever.. because ya know if i become a musician i'm gonna need me some real friends. hahah. never mind she's trying to steal my guitar i'm never comin' back!!  

thank you for everything emily.

love melanie <3

Never Grow Up

You're little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
You're little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming 
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that 

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
Just stay this little 
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you 
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up 

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
You're mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do 
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block 
Remember that she's getting older too 
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
Just stay this little 
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you 
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to 
Just try to never grow up 

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said 
And all you're little brothers favorite songs 
I just realized everything I had is someday gonna be gone 

So, here I am in my new apartment 
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be 
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on 
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up 

Oh, I don't wanna grow up 
Wish I'd never grown up 
Could still be little 
Oh, I don't wanna grow up 
Wish I'd never grown up 
It could still be simple 

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
Just stay this little 
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up 
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even you want to 
Please, try to never grow up 

Oh, whoa 
Don't you ever grow up 
Oh, whoa 
Never grow up 
Just never grow up

TEAM EDWARD!!!

I love The Twilight Saga. Too much. Kristen Stewart is gorgeous. She doesn't act like she knows she's famous. She doesn't care what anyone thinks and she's an awesome actress. Robert Pattinson is Beautiful. But unlike a lot of people, Thats not the only reason i love him. He seems so smart and normal and FUNNY. Watching his interviews crack me up. Kellan Lutz is pretty amazing too. Ashley Greene is gorgeous as well and seems so confident. It's refreshing to see new actors who really love what they do and are thankful for what they have. I Love Twilight, I love the cast, and i cannot wait until Breaking Dawn. :)


Taylor's okay I guess...

TEAM EDWARD!!!!!!

we fell through- current project

Everytime you come around
I feel like something drowns me out
and i feel like speedin up
you know the way i used to love you
you know that something about you
makes me wanna go out...


and/to find someone new
i dont need you to tell me
what to do and how to do it
i fell through
rather sooner than later
you fell through too


they see the difference between you and me
they know nothing else can calm us down
then to see the other one more time
because we both share a mutual goal...

refrain


Bridge
why did it crack?
the times we had
were a waste
because you dont understand
that i need to


refrain 

Unfinished songs drive me crazy. So i'll just post them. For the one person who reads this...here's your entertainment for the day.

Two halves of a whole i thought we'd be
but ignorant unawareness is all i see
my half is there, its presently alive
but your half is idol, its barely a prize.


Why cant you see, what you've done to me?
I wish you could see how you make my heart fly
for you i would die, for you i have cried
but you don't even know
no, you don't even know


Every time i walk by, i get butterflies
but from you all i get is a barely lipped hi
I could walk around naked but you would stay..
stay where you are but then walk away


I wouldn't be surprised if everybody could see
that it was more than a crush on my end...


?????????? 

I have issues

I have a problem. I wanna know what my hair would look like this color.

Believe in Me

I think this song portrays almost every teenage girl. including me. We are constantly competing for approval. But the only approval we need is our own.

Edgar Allan Poe: Crazy or Alone?

Edgar Allan Poe is an amazing poet and short story author. Although most people consider him mentally deranged or crazy, I don't think he was. Sure his life was hard and he was alone for most of it. His Father neglected him and ignored him as well as not giving him any help. He refused to help Poe when he needed it and Poe was not included in his fathers will. Poe's mother died when he was young also. Soon after writing The Tell Tale Heart, Poe's wife died of tuberculosis. He was a heavy drinker and was very poor. These things could easily make someone crazy. But I don't think Poe was the crazy one. I think the characters he created were the crazy ones. Poe was lonely. His works describe things with words we associate with loneliness and depravity. Some of his characters were without a doubt "crazy" and others were just lonely like their creator. The man in The Raven I believe is not crazy. I think he is a depiction of Poe himself. Poe lost a few beautiful women in his life and so he often wrote about loosing beautiful women. The Raven is an example of that. He is talking to himself and hearing things and hopes it will be Lenore knocking at his door when he knows she is dead. When anybody looses someone, they don't want to believe it is true. They act as if the person is still here. As if the person will somehow hear them and come back. He's not crazy, he's just mourning. But in The Tell Tale Heart on the other hand, I believe that character is indeed crazy. he goes to such extreme measures so he simply won't have to look at a persons eye anymore. That in itself is odd. He plans everything out ahead of time and will take hours if necessary to make sure he is not heard. Then He kills the guy. All so he won't have to look at his ugly eye. Crazy. Then he hides him under the floor board and acts completely calm as he talks to the police. Eventually he gets so paranoid that guilt takes over him and he begins to supposedly hear the man alive under the floor board. Crazy. He wastes a week of his life on the extermination of this man and in the end, he is so guilty that he confesses. Poe is not crazy for coming up with the story. It's supposed to unrealistic like all of his works. But the Character in my opinion has a mental issue. he is defiantly CRAZY. What do you think?

all better

I love getting things out. Once i write about it whether its a blog or a song/poem, i feel so much better and i can forget about the problem. I am a fairly passive person so it's easy for me to let people put me down. It's not that i don't take it to heart, i just don't express the fact that i was effected by it. I also hate to tell people how i feel because being disliked by someone is a huge fear of mine. If someone doesn't like me, i try my hardest to get them to like me. Thats just who I am. When i get things out of my system i can move on. So this is me moving on...

Brains aren't everything

For the last year or so I have felt lower than dirt daily. Almost every single person i know makes me feel stupid and like a lap dog. I feel like this every day of my life. They may not think they do it, but they do. And some of them, one in particular, does it to prove they are confident and smart and a good leader when i can see right through them. They are just as insecure as the rest of us. They do anything to make themselves feel good about themselves.

Thank you...

Dear Dad,
Thank you for letting me know how stupid i am and how much of a failure i am and will be. I really needed to be reminded for the 563,998,983,000th time that i have a D in one class. I am aware. and How about instead of telling me i'm dumb, you volunteer to help me study and ask me what i think the issue is so i can fix it. But i guess your way works too. Thank you.


Love, your failure of a daughter


Em

NOW WHAT?

The idea of being a senior is supposed to awesome right? well, frankly i'm a little disappointed. There is so much that needs to be done. The play my friend and I are producing eats up so much time and there are applications to do, essays to write, normal homework to do...Its so stressful. The idea of my entire class splitting up after 13 years to go our separate ways is a little scary to me. College doesn't scare me as much as the question that will follow. NOW WHAT? I hate that question and i'm afraid of that question. Everyone is so excited to move away, and start over. Not me. I'm afraid of what comes next...