Red Light

Everything i do is either wrong, or not good enough. I'm stupid. I never share what i really think because, well its either not what everyone else thinks...or wrong. An opinion doesn't mean anything anymore. It's basically an invitation to fight someone. I constantly am trying to be myself and say what i think but i can never let it out...because honestly i would have about 2 friends left. I mean, everyone has things they want to say but don't, But i have more than other people. I've been depressed for approximately 3 days now. I sit in my room and cry and wish i could just force a smile and everything will magically be better. But that's not how it works. There are 2 dominant people in my life in which the following word describes. controlling. These two people make me feel stupid everyday and they don't even realize it. If things aren't exactly the way they want it, or you don't read their mind, they give you this attitude like "Hello! are you retarded?" and i'm sick of it. I actually believe it now. I haven't done much on my own in a few years because i'm always told exactly how to do everything. I'm not confident. at all. I feel as if i'm constantly being judged. being watched. I've always been told what to do. I'm just a lapdog. I don't trust anyone because people are cruel. No matter how good of friends you are, or how long you've known them...people are still mean. but the hard part is that they don't know they do it. but that doesn't mean i don't secretly feel lower than dirt everyday. The only person who can fix it is me. I let people push me around and i'm done. If i'm pushed much farther...i won't have any friends at all. I need a red light........

RED LIGHT

By Emily Proper

I’m doing my best

Just leave me alone

I keep failing your tests

I’m on anger mode

I do what you say

but I’m always wrong

I’m Steering off the track

I’m going the wrong way

CHORUS

Come on, I’m working so hard

Can’t you please, give me a break

I’m doing more than you asked for

and all I feel, is defeat

I need a red light

Make it stop now

I wanna know

what it feels like

to have nothing planned out

or any jobs to do

I feel like I

am on the right track

but then you turn the wheel

and tear it all down

Can’t take it anymore

I need a red light

Soon to be recorded at:

http://www.youtube.com/user/EmilyPlusKatie?feature=mhum

We're not little any more...

Things used to be so easy...now they're not. We used to wake up, watch cartoons, go to school, come home and play, dinner, play, bed. The end. We never worried about the future or all of our relationships with the people we cared about. We didn't care about having money, or picking a major. It was pretty nice that way. Stress free. There are so many decisions to be made now. People to please, a future to plan. Don't get me wrong, soon, the world will be at our fingertips. It's great. But with a great life, there is responsibility and i'm not sure if i'm ready for that yet. To be honest, i'm scared. Other people act like they can't wait to graduate and be on their own. I understand that and a part of me is like that too. But I know that they too, are scared. A lot of our friends will disappear and we will never see then again. We're about to be thrown out of the tree on our own, not knowing what to do. Some will fly, dreams will come true and happiness will be found. Whether it's the school they attend, a special someone, a new friend. Some won't be so fortunate. Some will lose their way. Some may find it and some won't. All will be heartbroken. All of us will have hard times. Some won't recover. All will see happy days. Some more than others But we will all have days where life is fun and easy and we feel loved. Just like it used to be. 


So kudos to the ones who want to follow their dream. I know one in particular. I hope she achieves it and let's no one stand in her way. She is strong and BRAVE. It inspires me to try harder. Thank you for being such a good friend and i hope you achieve that dream. And remember that if i for some twist of fate, achieve mine...you're my back up dancer. Pinky swear. <3